lawhun_madden

Don’t Quit

“When things go wrong, as they sometimes will;
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low and the debts are high;
And you want to smile but you have to sigh.
When all is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint on the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are;
It may be near when it seems far.
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –
It’s when things go wrong that you must not quit.”

-John Greenleaf Whittier

I’ve always loved inspirational quote’s, poems, etc. I wish it was easy to do some things like not quitting or giving up; I at least don’t give up for long when I do.  I feel I have striven to be the best me I could be my entire life.  Giving and doing or trying to do my best always.  (Of course those few years of alcohol and drug addiction I wasn’t) but that I am sure will come up another day.  

I was up very late into the morning because our little Prince (2 1/2 yr old pit bull) was having upset tummy.  Needless to say after about evicting me from my own room about 3 am he went outside and proceeded to run from his arss. 🙂
I don’t mean run away from his arss or even chasing his tail I mean literally runs pure liquid coming out of his arss.  I know too much information but that’s me warts and all. Poor baby felt so bad for him. Then we came in and I rubbed his belly til he fell asleep.  I adore Prince.  This simple, adoring, unconditionally loving dog has a huge place in my heart.  

Sometime after that we had a storm come through.  I always end up with migraine when that happens.  So most of my day today was spent well, trying to sleep off the migraine.  I was pleasantly surprised when I did finally rid myself of said migraine and came on here to find some people had actually seen what I wrote and liked it.  Made me feel good so thank you for that.  I know we all say we don’t care what others think and for the most part that is true for me as well but inside there is still a frightened little girl who hopes that she is loved and liked by all.  This is actually in my eyes an impossibility as not everyone is going to like me.  That is OK for today as it really is none of my business.  Years of therapy and a few AA meetings finally drilled that into my head.

Did you know that chronic pain can cause short-term memory loss?  I learned that when I took the 500 question physic test before getting my spinal stimulation devise put on my spine.  That sucker tricks my brain into thinking I don’t have pain. If it was 100% I would love it much more but it alone is truthfully only about 70% but I don’t regret getting it at all. I thought I was loosing my mind but apparently when you are dealing with chronic pain it affects your memory.  Now as if that’s not already an issue let’s have a mental breakdown and take loads of antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds.  I’m a full ate up mess!  Will be talking and completely forget what I am saying straight up in the middle of a sentence.  I always blamed it on the acid trips back in the eighties. LOL!  I’m sure that didn’t help any.  So I have procrastinated for a couple of days now.  My head shrink wants me to make an appointment for a new counselor (which I don’t want) but no real choice with Insurance and Medicaid changes.  Like I already have trust issues lets change and talk to a complete stranger about intimate details of whats going on with me.  Oh wait, I guess that’s what I am doing with this blog. LOL 

So I am sitting here typing away, listening to the 70’s music in the back ground and I realize I haven’t taken the thousands of medications that I am on.  OK thousands is a bit of an exaggeration but some days it feels like it’s that many. I must say it has come down a bit since I have been off work because then I had a pill to keep me awake and one to help me sleep; before ya know it we will have pills to make us poop at an exact time of day.  Well there I go again with too much information.  With that I will close for the evening/morning and get some sleep.

Love to all…