lawhun_madden

Early am Wednesday: Why is it that children make it their life’s goal to push your buttons. I become so angry at the teenager in my life. Can’t take responsibility, blame and more. I don’t remember many of my teenage years but I cannot (maybe denial) believe I was as disrespectful, bull-headed and just plain arrogant as this one can be. One minute we are ready to tear each other’s heads off then we are talking like nothing has happened at all. Maybe we are both bi-polar and we rub each other wrong at times. Maybe the older I get the less patience I have. I love this child whole-heartedly.

What irritates me most is that it’s my own fault for being so lax. My health started getting bad and it was easy to say ‘OK’to just about everything she wanted. Not material items but the freedom to make her own decisions early on. Being in pain makes it easy to be manipulated by anyone. I’m not saying it was conscience (maybe it was? maybe it wasn’t) my point is then I start doing better (for a moment anyway) hard to take back the reins. Too much freedom, growing up so fast. I love her so much and just want her to have a chance in this life. Diploma, college if she wants and more. Open up the options of the world to her but she is so stubborn. We butt heads as if I am the enemy. Ugh she speaks how she feels and it breaks my heart.

9:23am: Actually got up, had coffee and argument! God bless the little children 🙂
I know better than to start in first thing in the morning but I swear there is never a great time to talk to this child. Why can’t our children realize that we are not the enemy but we do truly have their best interest in mind in all of our decisions?

I have preached for years I just want you to have your diploma so you have better options in this hard world. Stubborn, stubborn, stubborn child. I think she forgets I am just as bull headed as she is. LOL

7/28/16 9:09
Clearly I walked away from the computer and did not finish or maybe I was finished. Today has been a very rough day for depression and anxiety. I had my shrink appointment with a different shrink and my usual nurse was out too. Ahhhhhhhh not cool I went way over our time but I could not get my mind to work it was awful. Crying felt like I was dying. I’m glad my shrink is only gone for a short time.

Love to all….