lawhun_madden

So needless to say I have always had commitment issues.  Mainly in relationships but that’s not what I want to talk about.  My health sucks I know it and I don’t know if I will get better or worse.  I’d like to think mentally and physically I will get better but one day at a time.  I love being asked to events, parties, coffee/ect. but I hesitate to commit.  I never know how I am going to feel and I hate to call people and say I’m sorry I’m just not up to it.  Then I get fearful that the invites will stop.  It’s extremely hard to say yes I will be there knowing if I said yes I should go through with what I said.  But I never know how I am going to feel.  I won Barry Manilow tickets once and had to give them away because the night of the concert I had a migraine.  Won Theresa Caputo tickets once too, couldn’t make that one either.  Now I have always loved Barry Manilow (showing my age) and to see Theresa Caputo up close would have been awesome but it didn’t happen because of my health.  So commitments are a big deal for me.  Some of my friends understand but many just don’t.  It’s hard to predict how I will feel.  If my feet will be ready to fall off, if my back is going to be fried and lord only know where my brain is from one day to the next.  I could be or seem to be somewhat happy and think its going to be a good day and then bam I get hit with a crying fit or rage of anger out of nowhere.

Love to all…