So today I celebrate 19 years of sobriety. You would think that I would be elated and at some point I guess I am. The only thing I have been able to follow through with. Try to loose weight; fail. Try to quit smoking; fail. Try to do laundry and forget about it for days; fail. Try to keep a plant alive; fail. Started reading the bible, overwhelmed; fail. Trying to get my room in some sort of order, been working on it for months and months on end; fail. Started going to a church I really liked then bruised my hip, down for six weeks can’t seem to get back; fail. I guess my resolution for 2017 should be work on my follow through. Unfortunately it is not that easy. Even trying to use the ‘One day at a time’, ‘One moment at a time’, believe me it has worked keeping me sober but when I try it on other things I get distracted, interrupted or whatever and just can’t seem to follow through. Even when blogging; Prince will need to go outside and I will loose my train of thought and have to come back to it later or cut it short. Just trying to put my words in some sort of order that makes sense I stumble on most the time. Thus the reason I write like I talk. Not trying to impress anyone with a college talk just trying to be me the best I can. Warts and all. 🙂
I worry as coloring used to calm me down and as of late I haven’t even wanted to color. I try to read and I re-read the same sentence over and over and just stop. Getting in and taking a shower daily is even hard. Where did I go? What happened along the lines of life that brought me to where I sit today? My life isn’t any better or harder than anyone else’s. When did I become so weak? I know I am not giving myself enough credit I have had my fair share of crap happen but when I look at others that have so much more on their minds I think what a pussy you have become. I used to be able to fake it pretty darn well I guess after years of that it wears on ya.
I guess that’s it for now.
Love to all…
lawhun_madden 
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