lawhun_madden

My name is Christa and I have until recently worked at a local University. I believe in part my job sucked the life out of me. I have been seeing a head shrink and counselor for years. Why? Because everyone should have an ear that is objective in their life. Dah! You will learn quickly that I write like I talk and yes I have some college credits I know big words and how to write correctly but this blog is me warts and all.  Not trying to impress anyone trying to get my head back on.  January 6th of this year I was put on disability because I melted down in my shrinks office and she said you are not going back to work.  I lost it. Work is what we do.  Been working since I was 16. No work what the heck?  Now 5 months later I am grateful because I am fairly certain I would have been fired because I was loosing it and loosing it quickly. I am broken and trying to find my way back to fixed or at the very least functioning. I had no filter and in Customer Service you need to have your filter working.  I was swearing, pissy all the time, crying, unapproachable and just not me. I’ve always tried to find the humor in things and I still do just this depression and anxiety has kicked my arss.  Big time kicked my arss. Hopefully with blogging I will figure a few things out about myself and meet some nice people along the way. It’s always suit up and show up, drilled into us all from jump.  I was sucking at that.  Not fair to my area, not fair to my co-workers, not fair to me.  The stress was just too much.  My head goes everywhere and anywhere all the time.  It had gotten to the point I was so anxious about going into work I was missing all sorts of work.  Used up all my benefits, stressing my poor mom out and more.  I have spoken in front of 500 people and stood on stage with the President of the University.  Now if I am around too many people 5-10 I freak.  Not cool! Not cool at all. So for 5 months I have been working with my head shrink changing meds, taking off some, adding others.  What a crazy wench I have been.  (ok I am not suppose to use the word crazy)