lawhun_madden

So here it is Friday and we are heading into the holiday weekend.  People are excited, planning BBQ’s, graduation parties and just being out of school get together’s. I actually made the calls I needed to make.  Called the doctor that wants me to see a Neurologist per her nurse on Monday to find out what was going on.  I had to call their appointment line to find out I had to actually call them directly.  Now don’t you think that all could have happened on Monday?  Seriously I feel crazy but then when I interact with others I think y’all are the ones that are nuts with no common sense. (I use to say at work often that the more educated you become the less common sense you have.)

 My pain clinic doctor took me off of one med for another to help with the Neuropathy in my feet and it’s not working for my back or me feet.  So he has upped my dose twice now. He has me on the maximum I can take so if it still doesn’t work I’m screwed and feel as though I am back to square one. I swear I am a walking talking guinea pig for the doctors in this town. Called and found out what to do about getting an intake done for a new counselor which I am still highly upset about.  10 years with my counselor and now I have to change when I need her most. The system, ya got to love insurance and the system.  NOT!  I never ask God for patience as I was always told you will get plenty of things to practice patience if you do.  But really?  That which does not kill us makes us stronger.  Huh? I should look like a lady body builder by now. te he he

This holiday weekend is always so hard.  My father and his brothers whom have all passed served our country and now are gone.  My daddy and I were never really that close but I am grateful for him because without him I wouldn’t be here and most days I’m glad I am.  Years ago I attempted suicide not knowing at the time what I took would not kill me just make me sleep a lot.  I promised my God that day that I would never try anything like that ever again.  No matter how bad it gets I know he has my back.  Truthfully he always has.  I may stress about it while going through it but I always, always get through whatever it is that is going on.  It’s been extremely hard as of late.  My jumbled thoughts, not being able to handle being around too many people.  This weekend is to honor our soldiers and enjoy family time and much more.  All I want to do is sleep through it.  Which is sad because I do have a lot to offer just cannot seem to get it together.  Shit sometimes I don’t even take a shower.  How bad is that? I mean I have always been a clean person but I can’t seem to even take care of the bare necessities. Sure hope Ed McMahon don’t come with my billion dollar check I’ll be lookin a hot mess and probably stink too. LOL

I sincerely hope that those that are missing someone this weekend remembers and shares memories of them with others.  Those spending time with family and friends remind them you love them.  For me I am hoping to make it to a friends daughters graduation party and maybe even the parade.  I never commit cause I never know how I am going to feel and that sucks.  What’s worse is going to be when people stop asking. I do hope I don’t come across as sitting on a pity pot because that it truly not my intent, I just don’t know what is wrong with me.  I try to think about it to pinpoint what I should talk about and work or then the merry-go-round in my head starts up.

Enough for now.  Love to all…

Ahh our beautiful Prince, he makes me smile daily even when he is being a pickle!